Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
