i may or may not be watching the land before time
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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