I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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