I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
