I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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