I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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