i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
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