is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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