Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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