the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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