tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
