Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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