i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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