OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
