Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize