Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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