he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
soo... how was my night?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
