I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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