I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
