You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
