so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
