Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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