i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Found your dick twin last night
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
