i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
