If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
