Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I just blew my weed a kiss
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
