Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
