woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
