I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
