just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
