You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
