Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize