Say something about gay babies.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I wish there were birth control emojis
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
