babies were throwing up all over the place
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
