Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
