she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
