Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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