You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Let's get the cat blown out
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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