we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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