with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
