Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
