I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Acid is not a monday night drug
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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