You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
