I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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