I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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