i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
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