tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
