this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I want her autograph on my taint
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
