I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
What drink are we having for lunch?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
