I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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