I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
