I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
