Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
