he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
