i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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