my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
My breasts were aching with rage.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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