Someone shit on the floor
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize