if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
