did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize