Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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