remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
