so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
