Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
