Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
